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-Leroy Lockhorn - The man of the house who drinks a lot, plays golf too much and chases everything good-looking in a skirt.
-Loretta Lockhorn - The woman of the house is a shopaholic, who drives terribly and does most of the handiwork around the house because either Leroy is too lazy to do it, or because he feels she should earn all the money she spends.
-Loretta's Mother - Never named and rarely seen (usually only during the Christmas season when she comes to stay), but hated mercilessly by Leroy.
-Marriage Counselor - Whom Leroy and Loretta routinely see but to no avail.
-Arthur the Bartender - Local saloonkeeper to whom Leroy often bemoans his circumstances.
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